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footsteps behind me as I slammed the door shut, but I couldn t be sure. Two weeks passed. Now that I didn t have Todd to look for- ward to, The Disney Store became unbearable. There was the woman who paid for a stuffed Winnie the Pooh bear with sweaty dollar bills she pulled out of her bra. The kid who took a dump behind a closed register. The man who screamed at me because I thought he was purchasing something he wanted to return. I tried to think of it as inspirational. Maybe I d make a sculpture of dismembered Disney characters. Lyle s mother went to Ocean City with her boyfriend, so Lyle had a party. It wasn t one of the small basement parties he had when his mother went to her boyfriend s for the night. This was a real party that took up the whole house. Todd was already there when I arrived. He was hanging out in the kitchen, talking to Fred and a couple of other guys. I was careful not to look in his direction. Mike Franklin was getting stoned in Lyle s room. Hi, Polly, he said when I walked by. I ignored him. After I d walked by the kitchen door a few times, I settled on the couch in the living room with Carrie and Theresa. 232 POLLY Theresa was wearing contacts again and had cut her hair really short. It made her look sophisticated, like a French girl. I don t know, I m still getting used to it, she said, touch- ing her head. I like it, I said. You don t think it looks sort of masculine? I looked at Theresa s C-cup boobs in her V-neck shirt. You could never look masculine, I said. Carrie looked down at her beer. I m thinking about break- ing up with Lyle. Why? I asked. I m just gonna try it on for size, Carrie said. If it s too weird we can always get back together. I stood up, spilling some of my beer on the couch. You can t just break up with someone you love, I said. In the bathroom, I decided I would talk to Todd. I couldn t decide whether it was better to demand an apology for the shoving, or focus on how he was ignoring me. I brushed my hair. I needed a trim. Then I put on more lipstick. Most of it settled onto a crack on my lower lip, and I grabbed a wad of toilet paper and blotted. When I got to the kitchen, Todd and Fred were gone. He took off, Lyle said. I called Todd from Lyle s mother s room, which smelled of baby powder and the same Charlie perfume my own mother wore. Don t you even feel bad? I said when he answered. Last I heard you never wanted to see me again. You could at least say you re sorry, I said. What do you care? I saw you. You re fine. I m not fine, I said. TODD 233 Todd was quiet. Somebody put the Clash on downstairs. It was my favorite Clash song, Police on My Back. Come over, he said. No way. I danced in place. Come over. Me and Fred have beer. How come you didn t try to talk to me tonight? I m talking to you now, Todd said. Get over here. I left without saying good-bye to Carrie and Theresa. Lyle came to visit me at The Disney Store. It was a weekday afternoon, not too busy. There s something going on with Carrie, he said. I thought you might know what it is. I widened my eyes in what I hoped was an approximation of dumb surprise. What do you mean? I asked. She s strange lately. Distant. And mad at me all the time. I rang up a customer while he waited. Maybe it s hormones, I said. Has it just been the last couple days? Lyle forced a smile. She hasn t talked to you about any- thing? No. At least not anything strange, distant, or mad. Lyle looked down at his shoes. Is she cheating on me? Now I really was surprised. No! Do you think so? He didn t look up. I guess not, he said. A customer came up to us with a Little Mermaid video. I ran it over the scanner. I ll see you later, Lyle said. I watched Lyle walk out of the store and down the mall corridor. He was tall, over six feet, but you couldn t tell at first because he didn t have good posture. He slumped when he walked. 234 POLLY " " " I was driving home after work when my right rear tire blew out. There was a high-pitched hiss that I could hear over the ra- dio, and then I felt the car heave and tilt. I turned off the radio, put the car into neutral, and gripped the steering wheel with both hands. I forced myself not to slam on the brakes; I knew you weren t supposed to do that when you hit ice, and I figured this might be similar. I coasted to the highway shoulder. Once I d come to a complete stop I pulled up the emer- gency brake and dropped my head to the steering wheel. My forehead was slick with sweat, and the vinyl of the wheel stuck to it. I raised my head back up and reached for my cigarettes. I got out of the car. The tire was gone, and I stared at the silver skeleton in its place. Pieces of rubber trailed out behind the car and onto the highway. It was five thirty, and traffic was heavy. Cars whipped by without stopping. I was only about a mile away from the mall. I turned on the hazards, locked the car, and started walking. William picked me up in front of Hecht s. Did you see it? I asked. William nodded. You re lucky you weren t stranded. Tell me about it. You might have considered putting out flares. I patted my cigarettes that I d hidden inside the waist band of my skirt. Why do you do that? I asked. What? Criticize me. Tell me how I could do everything better. William pulled off the highway and stopped behind my car. I just want you to be safe, he said. It s what anyone who loves a child wants. TODD 235 I tried not to cry. I m not a child anymore, I said. I know. I wasn t sure if I even had a spare, but there it was, under the floor of the hatchback. We pulled it out and I sat on it while William jacked up the car and loosened the lug nuts. They spun around but stayed tight. I think you re supposed to loosen them before you jack the car up, I said. William took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, and I noticed the deep creases at the corners of his eyes. You re right, he said. It s been a long time since I ve done this. Once the car was jacked up again, we each grabbed a side of the spare. I shifted my weight and William grunted beside me. There was the sound of the gravel underneath our feet and then William slipped, causing me to lose my grip on the tire. I turned my head in time to see William fall backward into the gravel. William! Shit, he said. He wasn t getting up. Are you okay? Yes. I m sorry, I said. There was grease on my pleated skirt and my pink oxford. Still flat on his back, he started to laugh. His T-shirt was riding up, and the skin on his stomach was lighter than the skin on his arms. It s not your fault, he said. I m just a klutz. I held out my hand. Yes, but you re a lifesaving klutz, I said. Todd called me at work the next day. Can you buy orange juice on your way over here? he asked. I have vodka. 236 POLLY It was eerie to hear his voice in The Disney Store. I can t, I said. I was using my customer service voice. My dad s here. We re having dinner. My dad had called me the week before to tell me he was going to be in town. I d only remembered at the last minute to bring a change of clothes to work that morning. I met Dad for dinner at a Mexican restaurant adjacent to the mall. He was waiting at the bar when I got there. The restau- rant was bright and heavily decorated with Mexican streamers and sombreros and lights shaped like chili peppers, but the bar was dark and nondescript. Sorry I m late, I said after we hugged. I had to change out of my Disney costume. He turned to the woman sitting next to him at the bar. This is Gwen, he said. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ] |